Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
