I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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