The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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