No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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