I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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