can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Randomize
