Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
