Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
