Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
