You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
