i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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