I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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