there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
