This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
