this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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