I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
