for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
3pm strippers are depressing
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
