What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
