pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
