yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
There's even glitter on my cock...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
