i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
