What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
