The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
