so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
