I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
