i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
home. puking in laundry basket.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
