Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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