I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
