is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
