There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
