So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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