oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
