maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
