Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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