You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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