so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
