Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
