just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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