it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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