Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
he laminated a picture of his dick.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
