i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
