Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
