I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
