she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
