I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
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