your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
