Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
