kristin has been a bad kristin
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
