Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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