You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
