Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
