Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
