my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
