Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
